Spoken to my counsellor
I've spoken to my counsellor over the phone for a hour and 15 mins as a assessment. All I can say he's a lovely guy and really understanding person.
He asked me lots and lots of questions such as my past & presents. He said my anxiety was do with my past, health, being rejected, unsupportive and seeking reassure. He said he will do talk therapy, CBT with how to change good thoughts and help me to plan what things I need to do like exercise and etc. basically I'm on my own at most of time when my husband go on night shift or working away for 4 nights, his mum never visit me for a cup of tea, or text ask how I was, she knew I've got anxiety and having a difficult time of not getting pregnant but not support me? It's what bring my anxiety more and being rejected if I ask for reassure as she would say stop it, if you carry on people won't like you (that's what made me rejected and make me feel unloved, unsupportive and make my anxiety worse but she should know better that ive no parents (both passed away), my family live miles and miles away from me, no brother & sister but she had a depression years ago and took anti depressant tablets, thought she would understand me but no....
So he say once this counselling for my anxiety finished he will refer me and husband to a couples therapy because my husband really don't understand my anxiety, he would snap at me and say you need stop thinking or your pariond, or ask for reassure he will get fed up with me, all I want him to be supportive, listen, don't snap at me, if I'm in not mood and he would say why ur moody? He should of know better why and don't help me to think postive things so glad I told him everything and he said it will help my husband to understand more and change things to make marriage better and my anxiety too.
He said he won't give me anti depressant tablets as he think I'm better without it as can tackle it naturally with help from counselling and carry on taking vitamins, eat fruits & vegs, exercise and drinking naturally free caffeine herbal teas. Did explained him I don't want take them at all regarding side effects, maybe causing anxiety worse etc, he agreed and told me to solve it by tackle it with positive thoughts, sort out seeking reassure issues and talk therapy every 2 weeks. It's different for people who got depression they would need tablets but I don't have depression only focus on physical signs and seeking reassure because I'm on my own most of times, he said reassure is a good relief but not last longer that's what is my problem and I trapped in cycles. Will see him on 28th face to face 1st session as assessment is finished by over the phone.
Start feeling bit better today.